Why Isn’t My Baby Doing the Signs?

You may be thinking to yourself…I’ve read your articles, I’m  following your 8 key tips for successfully teaching my baby to sign,  I’ve read other books…I think I’m doing everything right.  So why am I not getting the same results as you?!!!

Don’t worry, you are not alone!  Here is an excerpt from an email I received from a mom who is using sign language with her 11 month old daughter.

“I loved reading about everything on your site, but feel overwhelmed.  I’ve been signing milk, up, mommy, daddy, dog, cat, bear, horse, (several other animals because of her favorite book “Brown Bear”), baby, beautiful, sleep, dirty diaper, more, thank you, food and possibly a few more.  However she’s only somewhat got milk and that’s about it.  I’m consistently doing it and my husband is pretty good at remembering to sign too, but she’s not there yet.  It’s been 4 months since I started signing and she’s physically really advanced but I’m wondering if I’m doing something wrong.  As mentioned before, I feel overwhelmed.  I don’t want to home school, however I don’t want to stifle her growth either.  I feel like I’m doing a good job as a mother, but then I see your daughter speaking and using so many signs or a baby on a video who is reading at 15 months.  My daughter is only 11 months old and hasn’t clearly said her first word yet.  She’s walking already, but should she be doing more as far as signing, speaking, etc.?”

Just the fact that this mother is so concerned about her child lets me know she is a great mom.  It sounds like she is doing everything right when signing with her daughter too…using developmentally appropriate signs and using them consistently.  It is VERY common for parents to say the exact same thing this mother has expressed to me.  I think this often happens because babies are actually getting their needs met so well that they simply have no need to use the signs they know!  So the good news for this mom and others out there is that you are no doubt great parents and doing everything right.

I believe the difference in outcome comes down to two things: different babies and different approach.  What I mean by different babies is that every child has a different personality and will respond in a different way when exposed to sign language.  One child may pick up sign language very easily, whereas another might need more exposure and practice before he picks it up.  Or another child may be the observant type and will watch you do signs for months before finally making the sign himself.  It does not mean he cannot or will not ever sign, but for whatever reason is just not ready to sign yet.  Yet another child may simply not want to sign at all and will fight or even struggle with you because you want him to make the sign and he simply refuses.  With children like this I tell the parent it is not worth it in the long run if it causes unnecessary stress with your child.  Signing is supposed to be fun for both of you and if it ever gets to the point where it’s not, then I recommend you stop.  It may be something you can retry in a few months when your child may be more receptive, or may not be worth pursuing again at all.  Your child will not be harmed or unintelligent just because you do not sign with him.

For example, I have seen a difference in personalities and communication styles between my own two daughters.  The oldest is more willing to please but cautious, whereas the youngest is more stubborn and an adventurer.  When observing their communication styles, my oldest was talking much less but using more signs at 15 months old.  My youngest (currently 15 months old) is much more verbal and depends on speech to communicate just as much, if not more, than sign language.  My oldest was interested in learning about letters in the bathtub, whereas my youngest does not show that same interest.  Instead she is intrigued by dumping water from a container back into the tub.  Does this mean my youngest is not as smart as my oldest?  No.  She just seems to be more interested in the physical world and how things work, whereas my oldest is (and has been since a young age) more interested in the idea of reading and writing.  What this means is that my youngest may not be reading by 3 years old like my oldest or even care to read until she is 6 years old.  Every child is unique and different, so it does no good to compare yours to mine or any other child.

The other main difference in outcome is my approach to communication due to my background and training in speech therapy.  Communication is the exchange of information or ideas, which means at least two people must be involved.  What this means is I desire a response from my children (whether signed or verbal) before giving them what they want.  When teaching my daughter sign language, I want for her to do SOMETHING before I give her the food or object she wants.  For example, I may know she wants a cracker and even have them out.  I do the sign for ‘CRACKER’ and say the word “cracker” while holding up the cracker.  I then wait for her to do something…whether it is make a noise or do something with her hands.  What she does may not sound like the word “cracker” or look like the sign for ‘CRACKER’, but she gave me a response in order to get her cracker.  This exchange is actually teaching the foundation of communication.  Basically, you tell me what you want and then I can give it to you.  Or you say something, then me, and the exchange continues back and forth.  Only once your child understands that this back-and-forth exchange is important and needs to take place, will she use sign to communicate with you.

One important caveat to the paragraph above is when you are looking for a response from your child, make sure the situation and timing is appropriate.  Use common sense.  You do not want to make your child sit in a dirty diaper all day until he tells you it is dirty, or not give him anything to eat for several hours until he does a particular sign.  Also if your child is tired, hungry, or already upset then you do not want to force him to do a sign before you will meet his needs.  It should be done when you have a happy, well-rested, content baby who just wants another cracker.

In the end, the best advice I can give any parent is to trust your intuition.  As long as you feel you are doing what is right for your child, you probably are.  And your idea about what is right may change as you gain more information about a topic or even with the addition of another child who reacts in a completely different way to the things you do.  Your instincts are usually right, and I believe your child is yours for a reason…because you are the best mommy or daddy out of all the others for your child and you will instinctively know what is best.

Are you having any difficulties signing with your child or getting your child to sign back to you?  Or maybe you have questions about my approach?  You may comment below or contact me at karianne@earlybirdeducation.net.