Go With What You Know

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there!  Today I have a special guest post from Jason Barr, who has given us a dad’s perspective on what it means to be a part of his son’s life and education.  You should also head over to Jason’s blog Start Being Your Best, where you can read my post titled The Working Mom’s Dilemma.

As a father of a two and a half year old son, I’m always excited to get home from work.  My family and I are fortunate enough to allow my wife to be able to stay home and take care of our son.  It allows us the opportunity to see him grow and develop, learning from my wife and being able to ask questions about the new things he observes in the world around him.  While I’m happy to be able to allow my wife this freedom, I wish that my situation would allow me to do more of the informal education that occurs on a daily basis.

Often times, he’ll run up to me when I come home and want to show me something that he’s learned during the day.  I’ll feel happy for him, but somewhat sad that I couldn’t be there to see it when it happened.  I’ll even get a little jealous of my wife, wishing she’d save some things for me to teach him!  What I’ve decided to do is find areas where I am the best instructor in the house (not an easy task, with a talented wife like mine!) and focus on things that he and I can do together.

1.  Baseball.  The first programs my son would sit still and watch for any length of time on television were baseball games.  Not sure why, because a lot of adults I know say it’s boring.  Now, the games have been eclipsed by the Wiggles, but he and I still enjoy a quick minute or two together when there’s a game on.  He liked to emulate the batters, so we bought him a tee and bat set that we use in the back yard.  I’ve taught him how to hold the bat correctly, how far away he needs to stand, and how hard to swing.  He’s very excited to “get bigger” so that he can hit without the tee.  While my wife enjoys the sport, I’m the real baseball expert in the family.  My son and I talk about what the different players do on the field, and though I’m pretty sure he’s not absorbing everything, it’s something that I’m best prepared to take on.

2.  Cars, trucks and construction equipment.  I don’t know what it is about little boys, but they seem fascinated by this kind of stuff, even if no one in the house models it for them!  I’m about the least mechanically-inclined guy who ever took a shop class, but I still know more about this stuff than my wife does, simply because of the society we’ve grown up in.  We’re not trying to enforce strict gender-roles in our son (he’s as welcome to be a dancer as he is to be a fireman), but since he’s curious about it, I’m the one that started teaching him about this area.  My wife has grown more knowledgeable over time (how can you not, when you read the same books over and over, right?), but I can still pull out little trivia that my wife wouldn’t know.

3.  Anything having to do with traditional “guy stuff”.  Again, it’s not about passing on stereotypes, it’s simply about who’s had more experience with it in the past.  I’ve spent more of my time in the presence of machinery, guns, tools, building fires, and catching frogs than my wife did.  So, if there are opportunities to answer questions or explore curiosities in these areas as he grows up (don’t worry; I’m not teaching my two year old how to shoot a gun just yet, or build a fire, either), then I’m going to seize those opportunities where I can have the most impact.

It’s difficult for parents who work outside the home.  While we all may harp on about “quality time” vs. “quantity time”, I don’t know if there’s a distinction.  To a child as young as my son, the amount of time I get to spend with him IS more important that what I try to cram into it.  All he understands is that I’m either around or I’m not, so when I’m around I’d like to be able to spend time with him doing stuff he enjoys, even if it’s mundane.  By trying to focus on things that I know well, it allows me to feel like I’m actually participating in his education.  That may make me feel good, but it’s also a benefit to him.  He can learn from my experience before he gets old enough to roll his eyes at me when I launch into a “When I Was Your Age…” speech.  The most important thing to remember, I think, is he’s just happy I’m there.

Jason D Barr writes Start Being Your Best, a blog chock-full of creative personal development articles, designed to help you reach the goals YOU want to reach.  If you like what you’ve just read, you can see more posts like it twice weekly by grabbing a subscription here or by following him on Twitter here.